Illegal Aliens Crossing Borders Into Canada From The USA

by Chuck on August 6, 2010 · 7 comments

From the Manitoba Herald -

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The recent actions of the Tea Party are prompting an exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they’ll soon be required to hunt, pray, and to agree with Bill O’Reilly and Glenn Beck.

Canadian border farmers say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.

“I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. “The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn’t have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?”

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields. “Not real effective,” he said. “The liberals still got through and Rush annoyed the cows so much that they wouldn’t give any milk.”

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves.

“A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions,” an Ontario border patrolman said. “I found one carload without a single bottle of imported drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley Cabernet, though.”

When liberals are caught, they’re sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.

In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans in powdered wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the ’50s. “If they can’t identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age,” an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and are renting all the Michael Moore movies. “I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can’t support them,” an Ottawa resident said. “How many art-history majors does one country need?”

In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Biden met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals. A source close to President Obama said, “We’re going to have some Paul McCartney and Peter, Paul &Mary concerts. And we might even put some endangered species on postage stamps. The President is determined to reach out,” he said.
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OK, I can’t take credit for this… nor can I give credit to the person that wrote it, as I’ve no idea who it was. Maybe it really did come from the Manitoba Herald. No matter… my hat is off to whomever did write it. It’s pretty funny!

, Canada , Immigration Reform , Joe Biden , Tea Party

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one

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KennethCok February 26, 2017 at 2:08 am

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jeff November 17, 2012 at 4:22 pm

there are far too many us citizens living in canada

jeff November 17, 2012 at 4:22 pm

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KauaiMark November 9, 2010 at 9:35 am

A search for “The Manitoba Herald” reveals that it was published daily from January 11, 1877 until August 2, 1877…but I agree it’s a great piece of satire that needs to be shared.

Jacks August 29, 2010 at 8:28 pm

I support the Bonn Unlawful Immigration Reform Act (BUIRA) bill proposal now being considered by members of the House and Senate and I will support candidates that also support it because it solves a great many problems very rapidly.

We can finally end illegal immigration humanely and without amnesty (once and for all) within 12 months and save taxpayers over $100 billion a year. Over 80% of voters polled so far support BUIRA so why not our political leaders too?

You can learn more about BUIRA here: New Immigration Bill Avoids Amnesty, http://xelanbonn.com/3540/new-immigration-bill-avoids-amnesty/

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