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One Man's View » Humor http://onemansview.us Have you had enough of the insanity in Government? Sat, 01 Sep 2012 21:28:06 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.4.2 Mr. Scam Man http://onemansview.us/government/mr-scam-man/ http://onemansview.us/government/mr-scam-man/#comments Sat, 01 Sep 2012 19:38:29 +0000 Chuck http://onemansview.us/?p=1291

A friend sent me the link to the following video.  It would be funny if it weren’t so true.

 

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How Do You Like Me Now? http://onemansview.us/humor/how-do-you-like-me-now/ http://onemansview.us/humor/how-do-you-like-me-now/#comments Thu, 22 Sep 2011 12:53:39 +0000 Chuck http://onemansview.us/?p=1213

President Obama’s huge drop in popularity is clearly evident in a plethora of new bumper stickers found across the country.  A few of these are shown below:

Anti Obama1 How Do You Like Me Now?Bankrupt America1 How Do You Like Me Now?Brain How Do You Like Me Now?Carter Sucked How Do You Like Me Now?Dumbass How Do You Like Me Now?End of Error How Do You Like Me Now?Had Enough How Do You Like Me Now?He Sucks How Do You Like Me Now?Honk How Do You Like Me Now?Hype How Do You Like Me Now?LOL How Do You Like Me Now?Obamacare Bill How Do You Like Me Now?Obamacare 2 How Do You Like Me Now?Obummer How Do You Like Me Now?Owes you crap How Do You Like Me Now?Pro anti How Do You Like Me Now?Racist How Do You Like Me Now?Score Board How Do You Like Me Now?Shovel Ready How Do You Like Me Now?Stupid People How Do You Like Me Now?Sucka How Do You Like Me Now?Voted American How Do You Like Me Now?Worst President How Do You Like Me Now?You Lie How Do You Like Me Now?Zombies How Do You Like Me Now?

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Equal Opportunity Humor http://onemansview.us/humor/equal-opportunity-humor/ http://onemansview.us/humor/equal-opportunity-humor/#comments Wed, 17 Aug 2011 16:29:43 +0000 Chuck http://onemansview.us/?p=1197

For those of you that would like a laugh:

Steve Bridges as “President Obama” – WRCOG, July 2010

Apparently, President Obama was quite offended by that.  So, to show I’m an equal opportunity purveyor of satire, here is Mr. Bridges as President G.W. Bush:

I trust you all got a chuckle out of these.

]]> http://onemansview.us/humor/equal-opportunity-humor/feed/ 0 Famous Dummies http://onemansview.us/humor/famous-dummies/ http://onemansview.us/humor/famous-dummies/#comments Tue, 16 Aug 2011 20:58:24 +0000 Chuck http://onemansview.us/?p=1192

I knew he reminded me of somebody famous….

Dummies Famous DummiesThe one on the left is Walter, Jeff Dunham’s famous dummy.  The one on the right is Obama’s.

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Americans With No Abilities Act Before Congress Again http://onemansview.us/humor/americans-with-no-abilities-act-before-congress-again/ http://onemansview.us/humor/americans-with-no-abilities-act-before-congress-again/#comments Thu, 28 Jul 2011 19:48:40 +0000 Chuck http://onemansview.us/?p=1189

The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) Washington, DC May 3, 2011 – The Obama Administration is urging Congress and the Senate to pass sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans:  The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA).  President Obama said he will sign it as soon as it hits his desk.  The AWNAA is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

“Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society”, said California Senator Barbara Boxer.  “We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over.  With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers simply because they have some idea of what they are doing.  We are legalizing another protected class of Americans.”

In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D) and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D) pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance.  Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement “warehouse’ stores” (65%).  At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons of Inability (a whopping 83%).

Under The Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million “middle man” positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.  Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most inept employees.

The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.  Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, “Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?”

“As a Non-abled person, I can’t be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them” said Ken Cox, who lost his position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Michigan due to his inability to remember “righty tightey, lefty loosey”.  “This new law should be real good for people like me”, Cox added.

With the passage of this bill, Cox and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.  Said Senator Dick Durbin (D-IL):  “As a Senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities.  It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so.”
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OK, I admit it.  This is an updated, 2011 version of a nice piece of political satire that originally made the rounds back in the late 90s.  I don’t know the name of the original author.  If I did, I’d give credit.  Kind of hits home, doesn’t it?

-It is better to be a warrior in the garden than a gardener in war–Japanese Proverb

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Feng Shui, Anyone? http://onemansview.us/uncategorized/feng-shui-anyone/ http://onemansview.us/uncategorized/feng-shui-anyone/#comments Tue, 26 Jul 2011 19:50:16 +0000 Chuck http://onemansview.us/?p=1168

Calendar for July 2011:  Money Bags!!!

This year, July has 5 Fridays, 5 Saturdays and 5 Sundays.

This supposedly occurs once every 823 years, and is called Money Bags.  So, forward this to your friends and money will arrive within 4 days. Based on Chinese Feng Shui.

The one who does not forward… will supposedly be without money.

Kinda interesting – read on!!!

This year we’re going to experience four unusual dates:

1/1/11, 1/11/11, 11/1/11, 11/11/11 and that’s not all…

Take the last two digits of the year in which you were born – now add the age you will be this year.

The results will be 111 for everyone in whole world. This is the year of The Money!!!

Supposedly the proverb says that if you send this to eight good friends money will appear within four days, as explained in Chinese Feng Shui.  Do I buy it?  Prolly not… but I posted here so maybe it’s considered forwarded and some cash might find it’s way into my wallet.

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An Old Man And A Mule http://onemansview.us/humor/an-old-man-and-a-mule/ http://onemansview.us/humor/an-old-man-and-a-mule/#comments Wed, 08 Jun 2011 19:00:07 +0000 Chuck http://onemansview.us/?p=1126

An old prospector shuffled into town leading an old tired mule.  The old man headed straight for the only saloon to clear his parched throat.  He walked up and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.  As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, “Hey old man, have you ever danced?”

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, “No, I never did dance.. never really wanted to.”

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said,  “Well, you old fool, you’re gonna dance now,” and started shooting at the old man’s feet.  The old prospector – not wanting to get a toe blown off – started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet.  Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied.

When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.  The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers.

The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air.  The crowd stopped laughing immediately.

The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly.  The silence was almost deafening.  The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.

The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man’s hands, as he quietly said, “Son, have you ever kissed a mule’s ass?”

The gunslinger swallowed hard  and said , “No sir….. but… I’ve always wanted to.”

There are a few lessons for us all here:

  • Never be arrogant.
  • Don’t waste ammunition.
  • Whiskey makes you think you’re smarter than you are.
  • Always, always make sure you know who has the power.
  • Don’t mess with old men; they didn’t get old by being stupid.

I just love a story with a happy ending, don’t you? I think Congressman Weiner should have learned this.  Especially the part about arrogance.

As seems to be the case a lot lately, I cannot take credit for this…. but I wish I could.

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Notes of Note http://onemansview.us/humor/notes-of-note/ http://onemansview.us/humor/notes-of-note/#comments Thu, 05 May 2011 23:21:57 +0000 Chuck http://onemansview.us/?p=1116

Dear Noah,

We could have sworn you said the ark wasn’t leaving till 5.

Sincerely,

Unicorns
—–
Dear America,

You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.

Sincerely,

Canada
——
Dear Yahoo,

I’ve never heard anyone say, “I don’t know, let’s Yahoo! it…”

just saying…

Sincerely,

Google
—–
Dear 2010,

So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!

Sincerely,

1985
—–
Dear girls who have been dumped,

There are plenty of fish in the sea… Just kidding! They’re all dead.

Sincerely,

BP
—–
Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,

Please make one for every skin color.

Sincerely,

Black people
—–
Dear Scissors,

I feel your pain… no one wants to run with me either.

Sincerely,

Sarah Palin
—–
Dear Osama Bin Laden,

Marco….

Sincerely,

United States

(LOL… this is one outdated now.  Thanks again, SEAL Team 6!)
—–
Dear Batman,

What was your power again?

Sincerely,

Superman
—–
Dear Customers,

Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.

Sincerely,

Nail Salon Ladies
—–
Dear Ugly People,

You’re welcome.

Sincerely,

Alcohol
—–
Dear Katy Perry,

I liked the kiss too.

Sincerely,

Justin Beiber
—–
Dear Martin Luther King Jr.

I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream…

What now?

Sincerely,

Leonardo Di Caprio
—–
Dear World,

Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars ends there because some Spanish dirtbags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?

Sincerely,

The Mayans
—–
Dear White People,

Don’t you just hate immigrants?

Sincerely,

Native Americans
—–
Dear iPhone,

Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words.  You piece of shut.

Sincerely,

Every iPhone User
—–
Dear Giant Spider on the Wall,

Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die. CRAP! Where did you go?

Sincerely,

Terrified
—–
Dear Trash,

At least you get picked up…

Sincerely,

The Girls of Jersey Shore
—–
Dear Dr. Phil,

Look man, there’s only room for one fake doctor in this world and I was here first.

Sincerely,

Dr. Pepper
—–

If you’ve got any of yer own, feel free to post ‘em here

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The New Osama bin Laden Cocktail http://onemansview.us/humor/the-new-osama-bin-laden-cocktail/ http://onemansview.us/humor/the-new-osama-bin-laden-cocktail/#comments Thu, 05 May 2011 17:45:10 +0000 Chuck http://onemansview.us/?p=1110

2 shots and a Splash.

So simple, anybody can make one.

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Quote of the Day http://onemansview.us/humor/quote-of-the-day/ http://onemansview.us/humor/quote-of-the-day/#comments Fri, 29 Apr 2011 18:54:21 +0000 Chuck http://onemansview.us/?p=1090

If you voted for Obama in 2008 to prove you’re not a racist, you’ll have to vote for someone else in 2012 to prove you’re not an idiot.

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